Why being a newly graduate sucks

So, I recently graduated and got my major's degree. This June. Yay me.

(...You can really tell the excitement of the sentences above, right? Overall, it was one stressful experience and it took me almost whole summer to recover (shocker; hence why I was away for so long). The idea of this post is kindly sponsored by my autumn nostalgia and memories, also huge thank you to all the old photos on my phone for adding to my pain as well.)

While I was a student (school or uni, doesn't really matter), the word "graduation" itself sounded like gift sent from heaven. I think that's how it is with everyone? The whole big dream of finally having no studying and exams in your life and just doing whatever you want. It also feels like the day you graduate will be the happiest day of your life... but let me tell you, a story of someone who went through it...that feels nothing like you expect.

1. You feel tired. Really tired. You become the definition of the word "tiredness" and at some point when everything is over and you have your diploma in your hands, instead of partying all you want is to sleep for years.

2. After getting a bit of rest (a bit aka a week of being a zombie with diploma), you start realizing that you actually achieved something. That's when your mind embraces the hyperness and goes wild. The only thought of having all time free and for yourself is literally making you crazy and excited and at this point you start making a list of huge plans (aka "I'll get my body in shape" / "Learn another language" / "Go traveling " / etc.)

3. Now that you realize how much time studying took from your life these past few years, you get pissed, so pissed, that you nearly hate the place you studied at.

4. Once excitement and irritation both fade (after 30 chocolate milkshakes, month of doing nothing and one huge clean up session of your room) and your mind starts to function clearly, it's that time when you start thinking about the job. AND WHAT A SURPRISE. All your desired jobs are either: nonexistent, already taken, impossible to get. Also the thing that will piss you off the most is when job offers require 3-5 years of working experience, and noone seems to care that you couldm't work as much due to literally spending your days studying to get that damn diploma.

5. Due to temporary inability to find a job you want, the depression mode knocks at your door and says hello. You forget about all the exciting plans you wrote during stage 2 and generally feel down.
And this is when you begin doubting if getting the profession you chose was the right idea (most likely, you'll end up considering it a huge mistake).

And finally 6. As time goes, you begin realizing that...you, goddamnit, did it. You were strong enough to survive through all the struggles and get to this point in your life, which means that your current struggles are temporary and you sure can fix it all.

And, yes, it's okay to, every now and then, feel proud of yourself.

Life is not a competition.

This post was "inspired" by my exams...and by life itself, honestly.
 I mean, look at the picture above, isn't it the perfect definition of our life now?

We all want to "win" at life. You hear it from people on social media, you read about it in the books, you see all these "How to be winning" tutorials and advices, and you think "I really should win this, I have to do everything to achieve that"

But wait a second.

Wait and think, what is it exactly you are winning? Or that one social outcast, that everybody calls a loser, what did they lose?

Nothing.

I wish someone told me, I wish someone taught me that this life IS NOT A COMPETITION. I mean, yes, evolution had it perks, the strongest ones survived, but it also taught us that only cooperating will get us to the true success.

You were born, which means you are already a winner, you won a life and that's the biggest award.
And to think that people spend that life turning it into some constant contest of who is better, it's horryfying me...I don't want to do that. I am not obliged to and neither are you.
I spent my entire teen years, always worrying that I was somewhat worse than the others. I did not want to be below in that score I created in my head. I used to be obsessed with getting best marks, best everything and if I got anything less than the best then I would literally think of dying. I know just how bad it sounds, and what is worse is that, it wasn't only me. I look around and see people trying to achieve goals they do not truly need, in order to impress others  and convince themselves they "won one round".
There is a huge difference between wanting to be successful and to be a winner. Because on first case, there will be no losers. It will be just you on the road, that you chose, and it will be only your path.

It's good to compare yourself with other world every once in a while, but if you see it as some huge Olympics Game, then I am sorry to break it to you...but then we all are destinied losers.
1. You can't be better at everything.
2. There will always be someone who is smarter, prettier, wealthier (and anything else) than you.
And chances are, these people will never find out that they won...at your life.

Why I will never be beautiful Or Post of a typical girl

Great quote, isn't it? BUT so hard to follow, you know?

I used to be convinced that I was ugly. No, scratch that, I used to let assholes  some people convince me that I was ugly. And it's not like they've got much to do for that. Oh no, I, myself, already found so many flaws in my looks, that honestly, I would be feeling the same without their remarks.

It made me really unhappy. I judged myself constantly - for not having silky shiny hair, for being a size bigger than all the "pretty" girls, for brown eyes (because I would rather have blue)...for everything. Of course, I tried to change, all this struggle with diets and cute clothes and dying my hair and strange thing is every time I thought I got rid of one flaw, another would pop up.

And that is actually what it is, darling. Just an endless circle of feeling ugly. Different reasons - same sadness.

The only way to stop it and become beautiful consists of few simple steps.

Accept yourself.

Doesn't matter if you are planning to change your style or lose weight and become a super model alike in few months, no. Accept yourself right now, make peace with your flaws and only then plan on how to work with them

Some things cannot be changed. Unless you find a way to change your DNA code... don't be harsh to yourself for not looking like a Victoria's Secret model. 

Ignore the trends. Everyone is obsessed with new lipstick shade, dress style and you feel like having that does not make you look as pretty as that girl from instagram? Then it's just not your thing and all you gotta do is just find the style that makes you even more beautiful.

Don't be lazy. My mother used to say that not every woman is born gorgeous, but every woman can be beautiful by simply taking care of themselves.

And the most important...don't ever compare yourself to others. We are all different and often people we find attractive, suffer from exact same insecurities as we do, and that is normal. Beauty is not about perfection, it's more about the way you present yourself to this world. xx

The Return?

Hello to whoever is reading this, and I hope you had some great time over past few weeks with Christmas and New Year eves and all that fun stuff.
If you've are one of the readers of this blog, then you've been probably wondering where I was whole month and what I was up to. It's crazy to think it's been a month since I last updated my site, but hey, it is what it is.

I could lie to pretend like I am all nice and peachy and tell you, that I've been too busy with upcoming holidays and life and all to continue with regular blog posts. But apart from being nice, I also want to be honest to my readers.

The reason I was away is because somewhere along the lines, I lost it. That hyper love feeling toward this blog. Suddenly everything I had written and done here before, looked silly to me. I started question myself on what I was doing, and eventually I fell into endless doubts. To me it seemed like my blog looked just stupid, that it wasn't good enough, and everything here irritated me. I wanted to change it, from the name and layout to rewriting or deleting all posts and starting fresh. But every time I came to do the actual changes, my fingers just wouldn't click the 'save' button.

I was stuck.
And the lowest part of it, is that it's not the blog I really had doubts for. I doubted myself. I disliked myself and....yes, I allowed myself to feel miserable. I wrapped myself in all the blankets and burried myself in my bed-fort for days. I didn't cry, nor feel depressed, but it was the time when I thought everything I would try to do - would end up as a failure.

Tables turned on December 24. I was finally done with all exams, boring paperwork and house cleaning, so my mom dragged me out for "last minute christmas shopping". She convinced well, hands down, she said it was finally snowing and we had to get me a new pair of winter boots and also tons of food for upcoming holiday dinner.

Maybe it was the magic of Christmas time, or people looking more happy than ever, or the new pair of shoes (silly, I know), but I felt alive again. It's not like it cured me in one day, but I felt hopeful again, and the feeling grew within me. I gave myself time to relax, and get my inspiration back, until I felt like it was the time to return. And I also realized how much I really missed blogging.

And now I need just a little bit of help. Its nothing much, just few words to type and submit as a comment below this post, but it will mean the world to me. What I ask for is really simple: I want to know if there is anything I should really change in this blog to make it more reader friendly and if I should keep it a "funny mess" or stick to certain topics, like beauty and fashion, or book and films reviews, just let me know?

P.S. I feel like 2015 is our year... You feel it too, don't you? ;)

The body image talk.

What's with society recently? "You are too skinny, nothing to hold at", "You are too curvy, time for a diet"...
And none of these are actually aimed at people who have obvious weight problems.
Now, please, don't get me wrong, the size people wear is no way affecting my positive or negative opinion about them.
And yes, body shaming is totally wrong. Insulting people in general is wrong. Judging them is wrong.
But then there is this fine line, for us, humans, and not only women, all of us.
There are two points at this scale, and no, being an XS size or XL or between is not really a problem, you know. It's absolutely normal.
Because there are standards every medic knows about, the sizes every normal healthy, I repeat, healthy human at different age should have.
Yes, you can be healthy with curves and without them. But goddamnit, lets not cover up by the "body shaming is wrong" when you see someone, who obviously needs help. I am not saying that I will throw something like "You are a pig" or "You are anorexic" at your face, but how can I act like everything is alright when a good person, when someone I care about, is unhealthy. Do you know that it shortens your life? Do you know if it goes like this, you may possibly never have your own children? Do you know it may cause different problems with your heatlth if your weight keeps disappearing or growing?

Women in my family have the overweight problem, I know exactly all the "perks" it can give you, and you know how it all started? It started from caring relatives saying that "nothing is wrong with eating so much, you are still beautiful".
Yeah, you are still beautiful, you can't walk, you can't enjoy your life, you can't do sports or any activities, because your bones and heart can't cope anymore.

You are beautiful and screw the fact that you are dying, because we told you not to do anything to save yourself. Just go on.

I don't know, maybe it's me being straight forward in this case, but beauty has nothing to do with it, people are beautiful from the start to their end, but it doesn't mean you should mislead them, if they have any health problems. Better help them become healthy and happy, and last I checked, feeding them lies just won't do it.

P.S. I am aware, people may disagree with my opinion, it's up to them. My opinion is purely based on my (and my relatives) experience and I highly doubt, after what I've seen, I'll ever change my mind.

I apologize for the ranting and wish you all a good, successful week.

Am I an Introvert?

I've been thinking about letting this post "flow into the sea of blogoverse" for a while, but it was too serious random weird deep  much for speaking it out loud, until recently I thought "What the heck, it's not something to be ashamed of".

So here I am. As you can see by the title, it's gonna be tough one. I mean, it's not like I doubt the fact that I am an introvert, no, I am pretty sure it is true, but what I am not sure if it is the state of...mind I always was in, since the beginning.

I guess I became an introvert, somewhere in middle school. I don't remember much from my early childhood years, but according to my parents I was much more content and social than I am now, and everything changed through my teenage years when I had to change schools, and things in new school didn't go well.

Nowadays, I can just name the things as they really are, without getting emotinal. So, yes, I was bullied in middle and high school, probably all years except senior one, since everyone been finally more interested in better grades and getting accepted to a college, than in bullying a girl they didn't like. And even though I am over that stuff, and no longer having these people in my life, I still wonder, what if my school years were different?

Would I be a different person? I think I would. All I am trying to say is that even though I trained myself to never depend on others, never open up or show emotion, even though I am fine with spending days alone and doing everything on my own, sometimes I want it to change. All these things I've mentioned about my personality, they may look cool, but in reality, it kinda sucks.

Because sometimes you gotta open to people and let them in, sometimes you gotta trust them and accept their help and show that you care, but I shut it all off. So now I really wonder, is it really me being an introvert or me being mentally scarred?

This post is by no means a way to make you feel sorry for me. No.

It's a shoutout to all of you, who feel uncomfortable on public.
For those, who feel too shy to make friends or flirt.
For those, who are afraid of being laughed at.
For those, who've ever been betrayed by people they trusted, so now they don't give others a chance.
I feel ya there, and if you, the person reading my post, find yourself related to this topic, then you are not alone, there is at least two of us now.

I just wish people would realize how strong their impact on others can be, and that the actions of one single person can change so much. But the saddest thing is you never learn what pain is until you are hurt. You can't make them understand how much you suffer, unless they experience the exact same pain they caused to others. See the irony?

Lets talk... about writer's block

If you are, like me, really into writing stories of your own (and, yes, blog posts are somewhat mini stories too), then you probably know the monster all writers are afraid of - writer's block. 

Personally I don't suffer from it much, now that I think about it, because I am always writing or thinking of writing something, but also it is not always the thing I would want to work on. Sounds crazy and stupid, but let me explain how it works.

So I come up with a story. I imagine characters, relationships between them, the epic finale, the main antagonist, and I fall in love with this story. I am hyper, I am excited, I grab a paper and write down few chapters in one day, yet already imagining how I turn this story of mine into a book.

But then the hype just poofs. Plans like "I am gonna write one chapter a day" never come to life, and when I try to think of the plot, it feels like someone evil turned my mind off. And instead of coming up with what happens in the next chapter, my brain creates yet another story. Like whyyyyyyy. I already love this one, brain, why can't we just finish it first?

See what happens? Basically there is no such thing as writer's block. It's either:

1. You are too tired/stressed/distracted. (Then just get some rest, solve your problems, wait till life is less hectic)

2. The story you were working on, does not hold your interest currently. Now in this situation, don't force yourself. If you are writing about romance, but your mind gives you ideas for horror story, then just go for it, you will come back to the one you were creating later. Get a notebook to write all the ideas down, who knows which one you will be compliting in the end? Plus, trying yourself in different genres is never bad, you know.

Do you have any tips on surviving writer's block?

P.S. I know I've been neglecting all the award nomination mentions sent to me, but it's my first time being nominated and I want these posts to be as good as possible, so writing them takes more time... They will be posted this week, I promise, and thanks to everyone who nominated  me through blog and twitter! xx 

Things That Confuse Me

I am sorry, I just don't get it when...

1. When people stare you. Like, without blinking or showing any emotion, and since I am 90% sure I look normal, I start thinking that they've got some creep gene working in their mind at that moment. Just....stop it.

2. When you are single and all on your own, walking somewhere outside and passing by a couple, and when they see you, they start INTENSIVELY kissing each other. Why are you shoving your happiness down my throat, I ain't even interested in neither of you?

3. When someone says something like "Oh my God, I am fat". You want me to deny that and lie to your face or admit it and ruin our friendly vibe? If your body doesn't look the way you want to, do something for it. And if I am talking to you, it means your weight doesn't bother me and I like you for your personality.

4. When guys don't make the first step. Or any step at all. I am sorry, since when you turned into Rapunzel? I will make a step forward, but don't expect me to climb all the way up to rescue you. I am the one, who is supposed to be acting like a damn Disney princess, after all.

5. When you start a new book and there is a love triangle of two super hot guys falling for a girl, who herself, claims to be "boring, ugly and by no means attractive to any of male population".

...sorry, Bella.

6. When you can see that someone is mad at you, but they just won't say why. ...Okay?

7. When you buy chips, and 80% of the package is air.

    (yeah you can tell I was a little pissed off while working on this post...xx)

My first ever wishlist!

Hey everyone! As you can see by the title of this post, today I am showing you my first ever wishlist and it's fully Zara, aka the shop I am slowly, but surely falling in love with. The items I picked are completely random, just pieces that I saw on their site and wish to have, so they can't really be gathered all in one look/outfit (I guess)! 

Did you like any of those (or maybe own something from this wishlist already)? xx

Antishopaholic tips

Ever felt like

 

Or like 

then this post is specially for you.

Lets be honest, as much as we claim that "money doesn't buy happiness", money still can buy us things, that make life easier, and lets say more cheerful.

And saddly some us, most of us, aren't rich enough to have things they want. 

Especially while being a student, I am telling you, it's so hard to be on a budget ban or spend all the money you save on boring necessary stuff, instead of buying a new dress or lipstick, that sometimes I just wanna scream "unfair".

And being surrounded by spoiled rich kids at uni doesn't make it any better.

So, tip 1. Buy the necessary stuff first. Lets be honest, you can survive without new nail polish, but you certainly can't refuse to repurchase your shampoo, if the previous bottle is now empty. I would rather have clean hair, thanks. 

Tip 2. Clean up your wardrobe and makeup storage. Give all the stuff you don't use away, sell it, just get rid of it, so you don't see it every day. Then look through all stuff you actually use and write down all the basic things you own. This will help you to see what you really needed all this time, and instead of buying 3 new mascaras, you could save the money for new jeans (especially if yours are old now) or a new warm coat for winter time.

Tip 3. Now that you figured what you need to buy, for example, new coat, then sit down and think it over. What color will go with your personal style and clothes you own? Does it have to be with a hood or not? Write down all the important details. If you have no idea what is trendy this season, go for classics. Check out few online stores to see what they offer for this season.

Tip 4. Offline shopping over online shopping. Even if you are 200% sure that coat gonna fit you well, TRY IT on. There is still 50% chance that the clothing item you just fell for, doesn't look good enough ON YOU.

Tip 5. So, you go to the mall, and oh my God, so many cute stuff there and you get lost, confused and upset, because not enough money to buy it all.

Remember that 

so sorry, honey, but put that cute pumpkin scented candle down and get back to the main point. Aka you don't want to freeze your butt off, because you spent all money on 16573276436436th bottle of shower gel.

Tip 6. Remember you wrote down how you imagine your dream coat? Now compare it with the ones you see in stores and pick a winner. Tada.

Tip 7. Don't hunt brands. I assure you, cheap is not always bad. 

Tip 8. If you see something like a basic shirt on a big sale, try to get it. Check the sales for things YOU NEED, not just for the sake of buying something because it has 70% off.

Tip 9. It's okay to be picky. You should be. But, sometimes, no matter how picky you are, you just fall in love with that cute pair of shoes...and that jacket...and that adorable blouse...and it's okay. But you can live without it, so pay for that damn coat and walk out of that store. QUICK.

And lastly, if after all that struggle, you come home like 

                                then congratulations, you are doing it right! xx

Monday Mood Helper

Lets just start with admitting, that I don't really hate Mondays, unlike some people. Mondays are usually either really busy for me or completely free, and I either drop on my bed and fall asleep next minute or settle there with a cup of tea and new book (sometimes I pick a movie to watch instead).

I do, however, have a list of things that make my mood better, so thought, I would share it with you all.

Food & drinks

1. Black chocolate, all time favorite of mine.

2. A cup of  irish cream flavoured latte.

3. Cheese. Because...well, it's cheese.

4. Pizza (no comments necessary)

5. Green tea.

Movies

1. White Chicks (if I am super pissed off or sad)

2. Harry Potter series (HP fan for life)

3. The Princess Diaries (too girly, I know)

4. X-Men (makes me feel like a superhero)

5. The Internship (recent favorite)

Songs

1. BonJovi - It's My Life

2. Lucy Hale - You Sound Good To Me

3. Katy Perry - Hot' N' Cold

4. George Ezra - Budapest

5. Kelly Clarkson - Stronger

Let me know if you like any of these too, or just send me your tips on fighting bad mood! 

P. S. Over 100 followers on Bloglovin, wow there! Thank you all so much! xx

Advice from a bullied girl

I never liked autumn. Autumn meant school, and school meant spending another nine months with people, who disliked me.
And not like I could do anything about it.
At age 10, I have faced one of typical teenage dramas - changing schools, since I moved away with my family.

To be honest, whole "what if noone likes me" and bla bla, never bothered me. It's not that I had a huge ego and thought that it was impossible to dislike me, I just really believed people would treat me the way I would treat them.

Oh how wrong I was.

For a while, I did not know what to do with that situation, with all the hate and witty remarks I was receiving. Telling my teachers sounded wrong and parents only brushed me away with "it will stop eventually, when you all go to high school".

Then it was "it will stop, after you graduate, because you guys gonna grow up and get over silly childish arguements".

What a bullshit.

If there is one thing I learnt in these 22 years of my life, it's that people will always judge you. It's impossible to grow out of being a complete asshole if you were born with it.  

People will judge you for the way you breathe, talk, carry yourself, for things you eat, wear and do, and the best damn thing to do is to ignore them.

It's in our nature. The less we know about something, the quickier we are to judge it. Don't let ignorant people ruin your life, only because they don't get what you are doing (unless it's something illegal...then you should stop).

Do what's best for you and hold onto people, who support you.

You want to dye your hair green? Go for it.
Want to jump with a parachute? Why the hell not.
Wanna make a blog or youtube channel? Just do it!
I am here and I support you right now, so go go go!

This life is yours, and you, only you are responsible for the memories you fill it with, so as long as you can, dare to be yourself, dare to be original. xx

The TMI tag!

A small side note before we get to the fun part of this post: I've never done any tag before, but always wanted to...So if this goes awkward, I am so sorry, I am hyper due to coffee and two mini chocolate muffins! Eh. Now to the questions!

1. What are you wearing?

Simple black leggings and black sweatshirt, because I am sick and spent all day at home...

2. Ever been in love?

No.

3. Ever had a terrible break up?

No.

4. How tall are you? 

1.60m. 

5. How much do you weigh?

I don't know now, since I lost some weight this year, but whatever the number is, I am very much satisfied with my body's shape and size.

6. Any tattoos? 

NO.

7. Any piercings? 

Do regular ear ones count?

8. OTP?

Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood from The Mortal Instruments series. 

Emma Swan and Captain Hook from Once Upon A Time.

Hanna Marin and Caleb Rivers from Pretty Little Liars.

9. Favorite show?

Teen Wolf, Pretty Little Liars and Once Upon A Time.

10. Favorite bands?

Florence and The Machine, The Script, OneRepublic.

11. Favorite song?

Alex Hepburn - Under

Florence and The Machine - Never Let Me Go

OneRepublic - Burning Bridges

12. How old are you?

22. 

13. Zodiac sign? 

Leo. Raaaaawr.

14. Loud music or soft?

Forever stuck in the middle.

15. Last book you read?

Actually reread.. The Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare.

16. The book you are currently reading?

Maybe Someday by Colleen Hoover.

17. Favorite food?

PIZZA.

18. Last time you were insulted?

About a week ago and I hope that fucker trips and drops his butt on a big cactus.

19.  Places you want to visit?

London. And spending summer vacation on a beautiful tropical island would be good too.

20. Why did you start blogging?

I've been thinking of making a blog for about a year, since I really enjoyed reading blogs and watching youtube beauty channels and ever since I made this one, I realized I found myself a favorite hobby.

21. Who should answer these questions next?

Everyone, so I get more TMI tags to read. (is slightly obsessed, ok.)

As you can see I skipped some questions, since I couldn't really answer them...weird, I know. Anyway, enjoy my new awkward post xx

Is honesty a virtue?

If someone asked me this question a year or two ago, I would be all like "YES, yes it is." I  strongly believed that being 100% honest was the right way to live my life. I would tell the truth without hiding anything, anytime...everytime.
During these last two years that I lived by my honesty rule, I've met many people online and offline, they were different, and you know what... not all of them really needed my blunt truth.
...Honesty can be awkward. I mean, I am positive, people would gladly want to get to know more of  you, but it does not mean you must share all the intimate secrets with them. Some thoughts must remain unspoken, unless you want to get a weirdo award.

...Honesty can be a great friendship destroyer. There is this fine line between being a total bitch and wanting to be sincere or helpful. Remember that you always balance in the middle.

...Honesty can be tiring. Trust me, everyone gets tired of constantly hearing that they suck. Because the real help is not just pointing fingers at someone's mistake, but trying to, at least, motivate them to work things out. 

...Honesty can be difficult. Sometimes, it is easier to make up a great lie, other than admit the truth and speak it out loud. But what is important to know, is that the truth always comes out. The best thing we can do, is to let it out ourselves.

...Honesty can be a virtue. At some point. But it also can ruin us. 

But ask yourself, would you rather be ruined by harsh honesty or by sweet lies?

And after which one would you recover faster?

Honesty is not a virtue. It is the right choice, and just like every choices we make it has its flaws. xx

Confession

When I was a kid, I had no friends.

My mother did not approve of me 'socializing' with kids, who lived nearby and through years, when I asked her why she wouldn't let me play with other children, she always used to reply "You were weak".

I've never been a problematic child, nor did I have any problems with my health. I never understood why she would call me weak.

But now I do.

Once though, she letted me go play outside with that group of girls. They all seemed friendly, but I was new, so I felt the distance between me and them, even when we all played one game. Maybe, it would fade if I managed to stick around any longer and they would start trusting me more, if only. I remember, they turned all mean to me, out of the sudden, and it was literally the first time someone would say something rude to me and about me with absolutely no reason, and I had no idea how to answer to that. I felt bad, but I also realizied I would never use their own weapon against them. I just couldn't say anything rude about a person I barely knew and I did not want to anyway.

I just couldn't be mean.

I went home that day and never talked to those girls again. I never tried to befriend anyone ever since that day.

I still remained friendly. It's something you hardly get rid of, you know, so when I went to school, I was nice to everyone in my class. I guess that's why I wasn't considered a loser with no friends.

I was that girl, who never invinted anyone to her birthday celebrating.

In middle school, I was that girl, who had no time for personal life, because she studied alot.

In high school, I was that girl, who never went to parties or school events.

I was weak. Not physically, but emotionally. Because I knew, if someone ever hurted me - I would never bite back, and the only thing I could do is to avoid.

Avoid at any cost.

I never noticed the changes in myself until when I went to college. I had to come out of my shell and when I did so, I felt strong.
And I thought, wow, girl, you did it, you became confident enough to find so many freinds, to go out, and basically live the life.

I never noticed how I lost my greatest ability - the power to forgive people and leave negativity behind. I lost my ability to feel, to be open to this world and people in it. I became even worse than those girls, because now I craved remorse for every pain I felt and anger, that ruined everything on my way, including myself.

I laugh at those who say that life is about becoming better than you are now. How come I upgraded myself, but it feels so wrong?

Life is about letting pain in and fighting it inside, because as long as you feel it, you are alive. As long as it aches, you will never make someone you love feel that pain. Because when you feel nothing, you no longer care how badly your actions affect people around you.

Life is about being that weak little girl, because that's when you are the strongest. xx

10 weird facts about me

I feel like, me daring to write this post is a huge challenge, since I never seem comfortable talking about my life or revealing anything, which sometimes makes it difficult for me to communicate (thumbs up to all antisocial kids, I am with ya).

SO I have decided I should come out my comfort zone by using my blog, because you know...it's easier to confess to a stranger. So here it goes.

1. I have never been on a real date. 

Yeah, I realize, many people did not try it yet either, but the weird part of this one, is that I actually am sure I will never be on a date at all. Ever. AND I don't care enough.

2. I can't pass through the day without dark chocolate. I do not like any other sweets, any that don't have chocolate in them. 

No chocolate - no party.

3. I wake up every day around 8am, without an alarm clock.

4. I read about 2-4 books per week. And I prefer reading, rather than watching movies.

5. I would never write a fanfiction to a finished story, out of respect to the writer's choice of the book's finale.

6. I hate loud noises when I am tired, and the best way to rest for me is just sit in silence for about an hour.

7. I am hot-tempered, but if I get mad, chances are it will fade away within 24 hours. I just can't stay mad.

8. It is really easy to lose my trust.

9. I don't like wearing black+white, however, I love total white or black looks.

10. I wore heels only two times in my life - for graduation day and prom. Even though I like heels and wedges. Just NOT ON ME.

Fingers crossed, hoping, this did not frighten you too much and we will meet again for my next post, haha. Enjoy your day :) xx